Saturday, February 28, 2009

I have been broken and broken and broken, Praise God

Today, this is my devotion..I take it as the utmost privilege to be able to read from the writings of Smith Wigglesworth. After you read what was my devotion for today, I will write my own thoughts...

Paul spoke of two classes of Christians, the obedient and the disobedient. The obedient always obey God when he first speaks. It is these people whom God will use to make the world know Him.

You cannot talk about things that you have never experienced. God has a process of training us. You cannot take people into the depths of God unless you have been broken yourself. I have been broken and broken and broken. Praise God for "the Lord is near to those who have a broken heart" (Psalms 34:18) You must have a brokenness to get into the depths of God.

There is a rest of faith that rests in confidence in God. God's promises never fail. "Faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God. (Romans 10:17). The word of God can create an irresistible faith, a faith that is never daunted, a faith that never gives up, that never fails. We fail to realize the largeness of our Father's supply. We forget that that He has a supply that cannot be exhausted. It pleases Him when we ask for much. "If you the, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, HOW MUCH MORE, will your Father, who is in heaven, give good things to those who ask Him! (Matthew 7:11) It is the "MUCH MORE" that God shows me.

There are times when a stone wall seems to be in front of us. There are times when there are no feelings, when everything seems as black as midnight, and there is nothing left but confidence in God. What you must do is have the devotion and confidence to believe that HE WILL NOT FAIL and CANNOT FAIL. You will never get anywhere if you depend on your own feelings. There is something a thousand times better than feelings, and it is the powerful word of God.

My thoughts...

I have been broken and broken and broken...Praise God...There are times that come into our lives that we feel that we cannot take anymore. We want to throw the towel in, go back to the place where we came from, turn around...and leave the will of God for our lives to the side. It may be because we did not know it was going to be so hard. We did not know that the trials and difficulties would affect our health, or maybe in other cases, your family life and marriage. Things seem to overwhelming, and we feel desperate, not knowing where to turn and who to ask advice for.

But dear friend. Brokenness is beauty. At this certain moment in time, it may seem unexplainable. Your dreams and visions may have been shot down at every turn. But it just SEEMS that way. Ultimately, the LORD is in control.....

So when you say, but I have been through the grinder, and I have been through it all...REMEMBER...though you may have been broken and broken and broken (as I have been) give glory to God...He sees the big picture...and you are just being put through the process of training...

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Broke Free

Okay...I know one is supposed to be so super serious about being in the hospital. (And really, folks, I have been..) I mean, my head was wrapped like an ancient mummy for 2 days. Was having all of those seizures, (up to 7 a day), and was pretty freaked out. After having my head mummified, or making it look like a person who had been in a severe car accident....I realized...I was connected to a machine that was NOT going to allow me to go to the bathroom during this time frame.

This is when I decided to pitch a fit.

Now, you person, who are reading this blog, if you say you would not pitch a fit about said event, you would be COMPLETELY lying. My nice little nurse, who by the way, was named Baby, goes, "Mrs. Marquez, you can use the bedpan." I told her, "um, nurse baby, do I look like a 95 year old man who is going to use a bedpan to go to the bathroom? I THINK NOT. We are going to have to find some other way to resolve this situation."

Needless to say, an arrangement was made, and peace fell upon the third floor of the least for that day.....I'm not a bad patient. PROMISE. In between seizures, and when I was not just plain wore out, I was my normal, jovial self. Even had one of my Nigerian nurses want to dance a jig with me, although I don't know how I could have accomplished that.

I do thank God for one thing. I did not spiral into a black hole of self pity. (at least not too much)...even when my brother told me that the wires sticking out of the top of my head (from the mummified wrap) made me look like Joe Dirt with his new hairstyle... (who is Joe Dirt anyway? it just SOUNDED offensive, especially the way he started laughing and laughing and laughing...)